Day 34 - Sort your life out Ginnie Weasely

Had a bit of a lie in, got up and got ready for lunch. Went and picked up B from his place and ventured into Exeter.

Parked up outside of Sophie's house...and the abuse started almost immediately....we have always enjoyed bullying her....but her "hilarious" stories always keep us interested.

Got into the centre and waited for Hunt to join. There sure were a lot of gingers around.....they all looked like sophie too. I teased her and have her a new nickname....Ginnie Weasely. We also reminisced about school, and how when the teacher wasnt looking i used to throw sophs pens out of the window....and a time i blew up the finger of a latex glove, and poked it through the zip on my trousers under the table.....sophie was cracking up and i kept a straight face.....the teacher had a go at soph for not being able to control herself....one of my finest hours

Went to eat in 'coal' and it was good.

This is B teasing Soph with ketchup.....she really hates it...we once pu some right next to her face at branscombe and she threw up.

B and I, both unemployed, have decided we should team up and be the best god damn Avon lady-boys of all time....

Dropped B home after lunch and went to Sams. She was in bed the entire time i was there...suffering with a cold.

Went to Jobo and Leons and had a little bit of a jam, was good, showed them a new song and ran through some old ones. Spoke to Abi about uni before the guys got back. She was ill too....they are dropping like flies at the minute....i guess they didnt eat enough dirt when they were kids....

Picked up will and B and headed to football. Was enjoyable as always and i wore red so that i could be on the same team as a certain Mr Wise and Mr Rose....was enjoyable....highlights being B's body lasting 90 minutes of sport...and Willy skying one out of the astro!

Organised going back to southampton for sunday evening to get the last of my stuff and sort out the house finally. Will be such a relief once i don't have to worry about the house up there any more....its always in the back of my mind that i still have things there.

Lets see what tomorrow brings.....

Day 32 - We are men...from Devon

Got picked up by Willy P at about half ten in the morning and went to the gym.....they gave us these when we got there to place in a 'excellent/satisfactory/poor' box as we left. 

'Tiddly-winks.....now there is a sport i can handle at the gym'

Had a good workout with Will, its always easier when you are with someone, as neither of you wants to quit first and look like the weaker one!

After a good old workout, there is only one thing that can be done...we went back to wills and jumped in the hot-tub...we are modern metrosexual men and the sun was out...i am not ashamed.....this is will

(Bradninch has never seen the likes....hot weather, hot men....hot tub!)

After i had a shower to wash the chemicals off, will made lunch...thats when the builder walked in, to see will in a towel and me changed but holding a soaking wet pair of Calvin Kleins. Will's parents are the new pastors at the baptist church in Bradninch....i assume they would be suitably outraged if what looked like was going on was actually going on while they were on holiday!

Now, i often feel like a bit of a paedo outside of Sam's work whilst waiting to pick her up...but this guy was just stood there for about 10 minutes then walked off....creepy.....

Took Sam home and saw this at the end of her garden....little boys must have been misbehaving.... apparently if you annoy the old mad family of Clarks you get turned to wood and hedge!

Went to B's on my bike, and we, along with Hunty decided to walk to the pub. Had to walk up a bridle path and across a couple of fields....the most devonshire way of getting a pint....once we got there we got the Stofords in.....

(The lamb is one of our old haunts...mainly due to the fact we used to get served in there

 when we were about 15)

Henry (oif, landlord, oikers, ouef) took us back to B's in his landy....very devonshire indeed... traveling back from the pub with legs hanging out the back.

When we got back we were supposed to monitor an old bonfire to make sure the hedgerow didn't catch fire...but as we are men...and are thereby pyromaniacs, we ended up stoking it further...to the point that henry thought pouring diesel on it would liven things up....

 B at the bonfire

 Henry's Landy lighting the way

Jack is happy to be a man

Day 33....

Nothing day really.....got up at B's and drove my motorbike back in the rain....vegged most of the day.

Picked Sam up, started doing some of her work and then quit soon after.

In the evening watched some tele and went home.

Blog was a bitch today...had to do two day's at once as the website wouldn't upload any photos or videos....and i'm sure you are all like me and wouldn't be half as interested in this blog without photos and videos

Lunch with Soph tomoro, going to start going through agencies for work too....and footy tomorrow night. Wisey has suggested i wear a red top so i can play on his side....i think secretly he is scared oto have me on the opposition....going to bring along some of the blundells boys for a kick about too...

oh and something else....japanese tv commercials are by far the best way to brainwash an audience...i got in the shower to see a new bottle of radox hanging off the soap holder and without realizing it found myself singing 'hooky hook hook...hooky hook hook'

Bye for at least another day

Day 30 + Day 31

On Sunday it was Father's day. Got up and gave Dad his card and the book from the Brian Cox series 'Wonders of the Universe'. Took Sam home so she could give her dad his stuff. Watched some cricket and got ready to go out for lunch.

We were going to La Tasca, and Mum, Dad and Tom had never had tapas before. The drive in consisted of dad and i moaning about the squeeky clutch on mum's car....she claimed it didn't do it when she drives.

Got in and ordered our food.....Carrian, Sam and I were left to order for everyone so we went a bit mental and just ordered a whole load of stuff.....but everyone enjoyed it and weren't too disappointed. This is Tom and Annie at the meal, and the restaurant.....

Highlights of the meal included dad trying to pour wine for about a full 5 seconds before realizing it was a screw lid and had been put back on. oh....and mum dropped a clanger....i asked her if she enjoyed her first foray into tapas instead of a boring carvary...to which she replied completely naively "yeah...but sometimes you just want your meat and two veg".....okaaaaaay.

Went home and watched the end of the golf.....and R-Mac won...good times....he is 22 and its about time he did something with his life!.......oh...wait.....

Day 31...

Got up and had a lie in watching the cricket. Sam was having her first ever driving lesson so i was in no rush. Went over to hers about 12 and saw her in her instructor's car outside. It was a mini, and it made me smile as all she was banging on about before was that she hoped it would be....she seemed to have enjoyed it and said it went well....telling everyone who cared how she 'didn't stall once'.

We were all a bit concerned that Brinkley is depressed.....look at the state of him here.....

So Sam went on the blue cross website...cruising for springer spaniels as she sometimes does and came 

across a 5 year old springer called cookie....after much persuading, Sam persuaded her mum to go into the shelter and look at him.....

Before you could see the dog you have to go through all manner of palava. Filling out forms, then they took us all into like a small interview room...we only wanted to see a dog....but here it was like we had tried to punch the president....well....after Becky 'FBI' had interviewed us, shined a light in our eyes and jabbed a set of keys into our ribs, we got to see the little fella....here he is.....

 

Sam is in love, Anne was far more realistic. Ray seemed relatively enthusiastic...but time will tell as to whether they get him....

Got back to Sams and was greeted by Eiran and Niamh.....i had a cup of tea and was given a rich tea with it....as Peter Kay would say 'it is not the biscuit for dippin'.....

(Mum....get a spoon....me biscuits fallen in me brew......ahhhhh bastard!!!)

Went home and dug this beauty out of the attic......

Took a while to set up, but got it going and played on some classics.....but cant find many of my old games or the other controller....so any donations are welcome!

Going to the gym with Willy P in the morning.....

Cool...bye....

Day 29 - Talked Out

Woke up to rain....and a lot of it! Went to the gym briefly...and saw this in the changing room....i don't know why but it made me laugh at the thought of a blind person feeling up the lockers at a gym....

You can tell tom is home....his shit is already clogging up the house....the surf board he won while in Oz just scat across the living room....

The amount of rain meant cricket was more than likely going to be called off....we got up to Bradninch before traveling down to Exmouth and it was pissing it down. It rained for the entire drive down but when we got there they had covered the pitch and it was dry...so we got to play...which is good as it is my favourite place to play cricket in Devon....there and Sidmouth.....

They batted first and made 236 for 8...we batted 2nd, and i think due to my hangover antics at last week's game, i was demoted in the batting order and batted at number 7. Their bowling was good, and very quick...our opener, and old boy Andy Nichols got pinned on the chest and had to be taken to hospital as he started coughing blood.....dangerous game.....he is ok though.

I went into bat just as it started raining and they bought their opening quickie back on......managed to make 18 (i did run out bails in the meantime) but then i got talked out. We needed about 7 an over to get a losing draw and the fielders were letting me know it and i knew i had to start slogging, but missed a straight one and was done LBW.

Went back to Sams and picked her up and the journeyed back to exeter tescos for fathers day stuff. Got home and mum thought i had proposed to Sam. I walked into the living room and said 'it's official...' about to go on and say sam had booked her driving lessons...but she thought i had proposed or she was up the duff...she almost had a friggin heart attack!

Had some pringles and some chocolate and a bottle of white wine and watched a film....

Going to La Tasca for some Tapas for tea for a joint My birthday / fathers day / tom returning meal....should be interesting watching mum and dad trying to decipher the menu

Bye

Day 28 - Be Patient

Got up this morning to go and collect tom from Heathrow. I knew it was going to be a long(ish) drive there and bak so i wasn't too excited....but my PJ's always cheer me up....got these for my birthday...they are class.....

Set off for Heathrow terminal 3, just me and mother. For once we didn't talk absolute shite all the way up, we actually had some relatively intelligent conversations about multiculturalism... i know...get us....! But aside from the Oxbridge-esque banter that was flying back and forth i made her listen to some old podcasts. She liked the "Idiot Abroad" series so i figured she would like them. She did, but she wasn't too amused by the use of 'C-bomb' by Gervais on a few occasions. When we got there we had a little packed lunch in the car park......

Waited for Tom to get through....got there just as his flight landed so we had to wait for him to collect his luggage...and seeing as he brought a surf board home with him, he was pretty much last out of the baggage area.....so mum was getting annoyed that he hadn't come through yet. At one point she even doubted that we were at the wrong airport! I told her to just be patient...she had waited a year to see him for christ sake...what is another 20 minutes....

There was a real life cowboy there too!.....what a knob.

Waiting......

Here he is....exactly the same as the day he left...dirty, smelly and dying for a fag ;-)

The drive back was horrendous...the weather and traffic were awful, but had a chat to tom about his trip while mum was asleep. When we got to cullompton....with all the roadwarks, in the pissing driving rain, tom turned to me and said "Why the fuck have i come 11,000 miles back to this?"...my sentiments exactly.....

When we got in, obviously Dad and Carrian were happy to see him, and he saw his new car...he was chuffed with it....but just like tom, been away for a year, already wanted to go out with him mates......

Went to sam's briefly before darts, she said her mum is going to help her with some cash to buy a car to practice in which is good news....

Went to darts, starving hungry as hadnt had a meal all day, so just had a pint and a ham roll. I threw the best i had in a long time....played Stan and won 5-0......good times.....this is jordan mid throw...he is so quick he has blurred.....

Luke and i took a quick trip to Ron's afterwards as we were both starving......

I am supposed to have cricket today but it looks like it will probably fall foul of the weather....which is a massive shame. It is the only game i was really looking forward to all year....away to Exmouth....ne of the nicest grounds around.....ah well......

Muchos lovos

Day 27 - Dr Do-little

First day of another test match, and Will was back in Bradninch, so i invited him down to mine to keep me company. Always a good laugh with Willy, he is a medical student and i like to test him. I will leave the technical terms to the examiners, i was asking questions like 'why is your poo brown?'...he did tell me some cool shit, like a guy they examined with his heart on the right side of his body. Mental.

Went to Sams, and she had booked her first ever driving lesson. I'm sure she will be fine...she is coordinated for a girl....well i mean i have seen Carrian try and catch a rugby ball....and if she can driv...then sam certainly can!

Got home and had some tea.....went upstairs to get ready for football and had this email waiting for me....better than any email for any potential job....for my dissertation my course leader sent this:

I will certainly take that.....mind you i did work hard on it....

Went to football in good spirits and sat in the rain with Wisey for ages until everyone else all turned up at once...good turnout tonight....9- a side. Had a good game, played ok, but there was some old geezer on our team...some right jeb-end who thought he was diego maradonna....he looked like fucking diego maradonna circa 2005.

Got to go and get Tom from Heathrow tomorrow....he has been gone for a year so it will be great to have him back. Had to put the roof rack on for his surf board, which meant the radio arial had to be taken down....so mum will have to listen to Gervais, Smerch and Pilkington for several hours tomorrow!

Darts tomorrow night, Cricket away at exmouth on saturday and Fathers day / my birthday / tom coming home meal on sunday at La Tasca....good times ahead!

I still have no job....

meh

Day 26 - Shark Attack

After i went to the gym in the morning, the Joss Stone story was escalating.

Carrian works at Exeter FM reading the news and channel 4 were going to come in and film her doing her bulletin.....but it never happened....it saved our screens from quite a horrendous ordeal ;-)

Tilly helped me look for a job, im sure she will be happy to get a mention!
But still no job.....absolutely no job.....ah well

Took Sam to her staff meeting in willand and went home to play some darts. Got a phone call off sam saying she had finished early and her dad was going to pick her up....about 20 minutes later i got another call from her telling me that sean was on his way to pick her up. When she phoned to say she wanted her dad to pick her up, sean decided that instead of relaying the message that he would rather watch videos of shark attacks online.....leaving sam in the rain in willand....i found it quite amusing....

One benefit of being unemployed is that my darts are improving again! We will see on friday.

Watched the 'Sri Lanka killing fields' as well....it was tough watching but had to be done....the human suffering there was inexcusable....watch it if you can....i think its on 4od

I lied yesterday....there are no pictures today....but i am going to football tonight so i will try and get a picture of jord and wise sprinting down the wings.

Bye

Day 25 - Manic Depression

If anyone has any children please take steps as early as possible to prevent them from wasting their time. I went to a good school, got 11 GCSE's, 4 AS Levels, 3 A-Levels and a University degree.....50 job applications later.....and nowt....

Don't bother wasting your time! It is starting to really gripe me now.

The highlights of yesterday included moving garden flower-pots around by sack-truck...and finding a 2-4-1 voucher for cream-teas in the local paper....my life has truly become depressing....Anne Frank had the life of Lady Gaga compared to me at the moment.

To add to my woes everyone in Sam's house is ill...so no doubt i will get something.....honestly it is like the black-hole of Calcutta in their house at the moment.

Woke up this morning to see that a plot to kidnap and perhaps murder Joss Stone has been foiled by local police near her devon home. Surreal. Her brother Harry is a mate and i just saw him this weekend at the music festival. He says he reads this from time-to-time so if he is, I hope everyone is all-right...can't be the most pleasant thing to find out about. I like Harry, he manages to share the same ideals as me without being a grumpy old man like myself.

I didn't take any pictures yesterday....i apologise....

If anyone wants sexual favours in exchange for money i am open to offers.....cash only....cheques not accepted

bye

Day 21, 22, 23 and 24...the music festival

Ok, where to start?

It has been a mental few days so the diary hasn't been updated....so i am doing the last four days in one massive chunk.

Friday was my birthday, and i kicked it off with a haircut......

This is me sporting my new haircut at lunch with Sam, we went to Wagamama and i wore my toy story badge i got on my card from her...

While we were in town i saw the 'swing' man...he always makes me smile and i like to think he was singing for my birthday!

I bloody love this little fella

I had a load of presents from Sam and from the family.....clothes, aftershave, dartboard, guitar stand etc....but its never as good as seeing them when they are like this:

Sam is a big fan of birthdays and she likes to make a fuss......

Went out to the music festival that night.....and if anyone can fill in the blanks that is more than i can do! Went to the white lion and drank and drank and drank......

The last thing i remember is lying on my kitchen floor shirtless.

Woke up the next morning and ...oh...my....christ!!!! Was sick several times but had to play cricket, we fielded first and at the end of the innings i had to go and throw up behind the roller! needless to say i didn't bat! 

We won.

Went to maccy d's with sam but was still struggling to the point i didnt finish my meal, therefore saturday  night was a sober night.....went from pub to pub and eventually ended up at the castle. Gary Spencer was having a jam in the corner and sat with sam, steph, hannah and harry singing along to some classics.....highlight of the festival for me.

On sunday i had a few drinks, had a jam in the castle with Dave Stanbury at first and then Andy Norman, before watching him and rob play to end the festival and they went down really well.

Yesterday i applied for a job at BDS Solutions, run by our cricket club's chairman, so i hope that one goes well....

Sam was ill so didnt spend a lot of time with her yesterday......and ended the day playing snooker with jord, luke, jonny, wisey and ross....

Just a round up of the weekend with no real wit...but i had to catch up with the diary, so from now on i will get back on doing it properly!

Bye

Day 20 - Groundhog Day

Well....i really have nothing to report....

I know the last 20 days have seen me make nothing sound like something, but yesterday was really nothing.

Cricket was cancelled at the last hour, and I helped Sam do some of her essay writing for work....thats it!

I applied for a job back at EDF but its on the phones....i think my hatred of all things human may result in a rampage if i get the job.

Day before my birthday today and music festival weekend, so i imagine there will be a bit more to write about in the coming days.

Since i have no photos etc, i will show you this.....a video by some of my friends who live in London, and are trying to forge a career in comedy....enjoy.......



Check out their other videos too......

Bye

Day 19 - No-one wants a girl......

Watched the test cricket for most of the day time, and played some darts. I also made sure that the better left overs from yesterdays lunch fulfilled their destiny. The dart flights I have been using have been called into question a few times....i don't see anything wrong with them....they are both adequate and masculine...

They're not too bad!

Went to Sam's after she finished work and watched some TV....this is Brinkley.....the sex predator from yesterday.....

While on the Internet at Sam's  I saw something i despise. I had never noticed it before, but recently anyone selling things on Facebook seem to be retarded....they always seem to write "For Sell" instead of "For Sale".

I also did something I always do....I don't know if anyone else does....when going in the bathroom during the day time, i always accidentally turn the light on when i leave. Just me? yeah thought so....well Ryan too if memory serves me right.

Sam got her stuff together and I did a crossword in one of her mags......in the magazine there I stumbled across this headline......

These are the sort of things that makes me hate human beings.....for fuck sake.....

Went back to mine and Carrian was baking a cake....well i say baking...she had one of those ready mix kits....you know the ones you buy for 4 year olds when they want to make a cake....Carrian proved that her culinary abilities are far less impressive than said 4 year olds.....this is her delicious fluffy chocolate sponge part....

mmm delicious.....and her decorating was hardly Delia-esque

Went to Len and Jody's new house for the first time. I was very impressed. They are like real grown-ups now.....well apart from the fact they are both still ruled by their 3 year old collie "Marley".....she gets whatever the heck she wants...it bugs me....but then again Marley is a boy's name so she doesn't have the last laugh...

Stopped at Tescos and i saw this in the card section....it made me laugh that they were in the "Sorry" section.....no-one wants a girl......

I also like Tesco's product placement here....encouraging patrons to think forwards....

In the right section there.

20/20 cricket at Thorverton tonight.....got to keep wicket to Sean...our overseas fast bowler.....it is a shame....i have really enjoyed not having broken fingers this year.....

This is a clip from yesterday's radio test match commentary....Aggers says something very amusing....all will appreciate this...not just cricket lovers.....have a listen....





OUT

Day 18 - Al Fresco

Another day unemployed....so got up slowly. Got downstairs to discover that i am now well and truly Carrian's whipping boy.....she says 'If' but she means 'you will'......

I did go, and got some stuff for lunch with Sam as she had a day off.....while we were in tiv we went to argos for Sam to pick up one of my birthday presents....considering i told her what i wanted and she made me drive with her to pick it up it won't be much of a surprise....but i don't care.....its what i want....

(As they say about Argos...theatre for the poor)

Got home and it was a nice afternoon so Sam and I ate Al-fresco and i fired up the barbie.....despite a moth the size of sparrowhawk emerging from the bbq i got through the ordeal unscathed.....

Headed back to Sam's to watch some tv.....Alfred decided i was best used as a bed....

When i went to leave i gave Sam a hug and Brinkley (the dog) thought this was an invitation....so with her back to him, lets just say that Brinkley displayed his affections to her.....

Went home and threw some darts, ate some food and went to bed.

Going to Jody and Len's new place today to check it out and check out Jody's 3d tv and convince Len to let him have a 'den'....

Short but sweet today.

Day 17 - Imagine if we lost this now....

After the night out in TP i woke up to a surprisingly clean house....Carrian and Scott had stayd up till about 4am cleaning. 

Got a lift into bradninch to pick up my car and stopped off to watch a bit of cricket, Bradninch were playing Plympton in the Devon Senior Cup. Watched a bit of it and Brad, one of our overseas, got 191 not out in 40 overs. We ended on 309 for 4...a mammoth score.

Went down to Leon's BBQ and had a look at his new project....a 1986 Ford Capri....this is it...

 It will require a fair bit of work, but if they do it well it will look shit-hot by the time it is finished. I did receive some abuse from Jo and Bill about the diary. They are just jealous that i am turning into the Samuel Peeps, Adrian Mole or even Brynget Jones of my generation......

We also discussed how the fact that we are all grumpy old men means that we are cynical, but justifiably so.

Went back up to the cricket to watch Bradninch bowl their way to a certain victory...or in the words of club captain Ross "Imagine if we lost this now".....well it didn't take too much imagining. We witnessed a lot of big hitting and toil in the field. Only the cricket club mentalist was more unpredictable than that game! Plympton got home with one ball to spare.....we have seen better days!

Decided to stay in instead of going to the quiz in the end as had been out 2 nights in a row and could neither afford it or use the energy required to go out. So sat in and watched the darts final on TV.....if i ever want to watch anything on TV that Sam doesn't this is all i have to do....

yep...cut her head off...

Job hunt to be resumed again today....great